Saturday, November 15, 2014


Matthew Howard-Norman & Lee Joseph
(Photo by Shay Rowan)

A Double Bill with 'Naked Old Man'

Theatre Review

Taurus, Manchester
Written by George Gunby/Murray Schisgal
Directed by Paul Blinkhorn

4.5 Stars (John And Mark)/3.5 Stars (Naked Old Man)

A somewhat curious double bill; one part disturbing reflections on murder and celebrity, and the other a gentle rumination on old age, this was, overall, a beautifully entertaining evening.

Richard Sails
(Photo by Shay Rowan)

First up was ‘Naked Old Man’, by the multi award-winning Murray Schisgal (co-writer of the film ‘Tootsie’), and starring Richard Sails. This autobiographical 45 minute piece had Schisgal ruminating about his 82 years of life, in the company of several deceased friends and ex colleagues. There isn’t a lot of plot, and it was thanks to Sails’ genial characterisation that ‘Naked Old Man’ didn’t fall apart at the seams. It was effectively and efficiently done, but pretty throwaway, and more than a little self indulgent (on the part of the writer). A lot of Hollywood names are dropped, a few gently amusing anecdotes, and a lot of first-hand observations about old age. Sails is perfectly cast (though about 20 years too young), and does his best to make the material work, but there just isn’t enough to get his teeth into. A pleasant, undemanding piece, and something of a light starter for the more filling main course to come.

 Controversial, and apparently too much for Liverpool audiences (earlier performances in the city were sparsely attended, partly thanks to the negative attitude of the local press, and some narrow-minded Beatles fans). Northern Outlet Theatre Company’s latest production, ‘John And Mark’, takes a chilling look into the mind of John Lennon’s killer, Mark David Chapman, by way of the ghost of Lennon visiting the prison cell of his assassin. This new work by George Gunby was riveting, humorous, dramatic, chilling, and gut-wrenchingly emotional. Playing to a capacity audience at Manchester’s Canal Street bar, Taurus, in a claustrophobic underground theatre space, this hour long piece worked superbly well.
Matthew Howard-Norman as Chapman, portrayed a shuffling mess of a character; a repressed man-child calmly attributing his actions to the will of God, and the seeming hypocrisy of his celebrity victim. The portly, pale-skinned Howard-Norman, clad only in a pair of ill-fitting, baggy, and supremely unattractive underpants, opened the play, and physically summed up the pathetic, self-loathing Chapman in an instant. A short scene, set the night before the killing in December 1980, had Chapman begging for some human contact from a brassy, and impatient New York prostitute (Tracy Gabbitas), and being coldly rejected. Fast forward a few years, and Chapman is now living out his days in a maximum security prison, still protesting his moral innocence and remaining irritatingly uncooperative with psychiatrists and doctors. Enter John Lennon, in the wiry, virile form of actor Lee Joseph; sloping nonchalantly into view with the signature swagger and arrogant devil-may-care attitude of the scouse icon himself. Joseph embodied the man perfectly, and the scenes between Lennon and Chapman were riveting. We learned that Chapman had all the makings of a good man, that he did a lot of charity work with Vietnamese refugees, and had firm religious convictions. His obsession with J D Salinger’s novel, ‘The Catcher In The Rye’, led to him viewing the wealthy and successful Lennon as a fake, and the former Beatle as a disgusting hypocrite for preaching about peace, love, and the dismissal of material wealth whilst living the life of a millionaire celebrity. Whether Chapman had a point is up for debate, and this stage version of Lennon certainly hit back against the accusations with a compelling argument (namely, that he was only an ordinary man trying to make a difference, and that he’d have been a fool just to simply give his money away). The remarkable Tracy Gabbitas appeared again as Lennon’s Aunt Mimi, in a supremely moving scene suggesting what might have been if John had returned home to Liverpool.
The central question, of exactly why did Chapman shoot Lennon, can never be answered; the problem is with the question. For the pathetically deluded Chapman it was absolutely the right thing to do, and it was destined to happen, but for the rest of us it was an outrage for which the pain will never end.
Director Paul Blinkhorn kept a tight reign on the material, and never fell into the trap of simple black & white ethics. Chapman can be viewed as a sad, fundamentally flawed human being, who might have taken a different path in life but for a loveless childhood, and an abusive father. He could be seen as a victim, but the target of his anger and delusion just happened to be a beloved messianic figure to millions, and Chapman’s demonisation must continue, it seems. Thanks to this provocative and disturbing production, the other side of the coin spins into view. For a change.

Reviewed on 13.11.14

Tags: John And Mark, George Gunby, Lee Joseph, Tracy Gabbitas, Matthew Howard-Norman, Naked Old Man, Richard Sails, Paul Blinkhorn, Northern Outlet Theatre Company, Taurus, Manchester

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

OTHELLO - Back of the net!!!!

The fabulous Lass Productions are about to launch their new show. Here's what they have to say about it...

The award winning team behind this brand new staging of Shakespeare’s OTHELLO, set in Venezia FC have launched a KICKSTARTER fund and there are a host of opportunities to get involved in the next week.

KICKSTARTER allows people to pledge money to help support staging the play and there are some great rewards on offer to donors - front row seats, custom designed badges, mugs and T Shirts from the renowned retro designer behind VWORP VWORP, COLIN BROCKHURST, and even special Venezia FC Panini stickers featuring the cast of OTHELLO!

The Kickstarter page can be found at

More information is available at or follow us on @21stcenturylass.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Stars In My Eyes...

Brian Gorman and Caroline Munro on a date (in his dreams!)

When I review for others, I am usually asked to assign a star rating. I am now wondering whether I should devise my own system just for this blog.
I have decided. I will. Here it is ('BeeGees' is short for my name, Brian Gorman):

5 BeeGees: Me, Kathleen Turner, Kristen Scott Thomas, Patrick McGoohan, John Barry, Caroline Munro, and Christopher Walken in a bar on New Years Eve.

4 BeeGees: Excellent, but just something minor pulls it down.

3 BeeGees: Very good, but lacking something.

2 BeeGees: Good, but should be better.

1 BeeGee: I'll see you in the bar!

Be My Baby

Theatre Review

The King’s Arms Theatre, Salford

Part of The Greater Manchester Fringe Festival

Writer: Amanda Whittington
Director: Lucia Cox

A stifling hot evening in a jam-packed dark room is never a good thing. Unless you’re kept entertained, enthralled, and enlightened by a first rate company, that is. Under the quite wonderful high ceiling of The King’s Arms Theatre, which lent a Cathedral-like atmosphere to proceedings, the newly-formed Asphalt Roses theatre company made their auspicious debut. Manchester-based actor/producers Hannah Blakeley and Leni Murphy were quite rightly fed up with the dearth of female roles available in the industry, and decided to form their own all-female company to provide more opportunities for women in the North West. Amanda Whittington’s ‘Be My Baby’ provides ample opportunity for actors to shine, with half a dozen female characters. The story, set in 1964, involves four pregnant young women virtually imprisoned in an austere mother and baby home, under the watchful eye of a barely sympathetic matron. In a society unwilling to accept any behaviour outside of ‘traditional family values’, the unmarried mothers-to-be are faced with a life of shame and scarce employment prospects unless they give up their children for adoption. What could have been a scathing indictment of a backward-thinking society, a kind of female ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’, is unfortunately on this occasion, more of a gentle tale of woe. Whittington’s script avoids any truly harrowing scenes (apart from the mental disintegration of Bethan Caddick’s Norma), and all the unfortunate girls actually seem to have a pretty good time. A fine ensemble cast led by Hannah Blakeley as the awkward teen-age Mary, do absolute wonders with the material, but everything seems a little too sugar-coated. Dressed in uniform white slips, the girls resemble angelic creatures; healthy, glowing, and with little to suggest any real stress about their situation. Lucia Cox’s direction is tight when it comes to the well-choreographed musical interludes (the girls often break out into the songs of the day, and there is one superb scene with Leni Murphy’s hard-as-nails Queenie morphing into a sultry nightclub temptress), but is a little too gentle with the material. There was a dream-like atmosphere, but little sense of actual despair. Morag Peacock is suitably restrained as Matron, but I really wanted more of Nurse Ratched. Her steely demeanour weakens for an unguarded moment when it is revealed she lost her husband of one year at Dunkirk. Victoria Tunnah is delightful as the impish and ill-educated Delores, while Laura Campbell as Mrs Adams is a frightening battleaxe of a woman. Set in the round with an old, iron-framed bed at its heart, there was a suitably claustrophobic feel about the evening. Overall, a tremendous start for this new company, with a wonderful cast, and some fine surreal moments (are the girls actually angels in limbo?), but what loses this production the full five stars is a lack of true grit.

Reviewed on 10th July

Originally published at 

Tags: Be My Baby, Amanda Whittington, Lucia Cox, The King’s Arms Theatre, Salford, Hannah Blakeley, Bethan Caddick, Laura Campbell, Leni Murphy, Morag Peacock, Victoria Tunnah, Asphalt Roses


Photo: Shay Rowan

Theatre Review

The King’s Arms Theatre, Salford

Part of The Greater Manchester Fringe Festival

A familiar face on television (and team captain of BBC’s ‘Never Mind The Buzzcocks’), Phill Jupitus performed some of his early (and most recent) poetry in the guise of his alter-ego ‘Porky The Poet’. Saying that, there was no discernible difference between the Phill Jupitus we know, and the poet standing with a comically malfunctioning iPad before us tonight. In the Spartan, unpretentious space of the upstairs theatre at Salford’s popular King’s Arms pub, this was a pretty laid-back evening with plenty of smiles and a few loud guffaws. Nothing too outrageous or near-the-knuckle (save for the odd one or two cheeky, expletive-sprinkled tales). After a slightly nervy start, Jupitus relaxed into an hour long set involving rifling through reams of stationery, to regale us with short poems mainly involving going to music gigs as a young man in the 70s and 80s (his cherry being well and truly popped by the legendary Debbie Harry and Blondie). A variety of friends and fans in the audience led to some gentle banter, and a lovely moment of improvisation when a mobile phone went off. Questioning the red-faced punter about his choice of ringtone, Jupitus and his audience were delighted to hear that it was a little-known 80s band by the name of ‘Desperate Moment’. Instant Karma, one might say.
Jupitus’ ‘roly poly funnyman’ (as he described himself at one point) persona worked its charm as the evening wore on, and there was a definite warm glow in the room. Talking about his childhood, and the fact that he never knew his biological father (an Irish barman, who ran home to Cork on discovering Jupitus’ mother was pregnant), Phill gave us a short but brutally honest poem about his feelings for the man. It was on a visit to Cork that he came across the funniest newspaper headline he’d ever seen: ‘Cork Man Drowns’ (and yes, he did have to explain it). There was also a great anger at our current Government and the assumed entitlement of the ruling classes. A tale about the notorious Hollywood film star Tallulah Bankhead regularly popping to Eton to enjoy sexual encounters with the head boys was pretty eye-opening. As was her fate; spied on by M.I.5., and eventually deported. Jupitus had much to say about the state of the arts in Britain today, and illustrated his points with reference to the Red ladder Theatre Company in Leeds having its whole grant cut, while Opera North were awarded millions. The evening was a charity event in aid of a local school, and Jupitus gave a big thumbs up to The King’s Arms, and its owner Paul Heaton’s (of The Beautiful South fame) work to keep the free fringe alive and well.
All in all, quite a pleasant, undemanding evening, that felt more like a friendly session with an old mate than an actual gig. And that’s not a bad thing at all.

Reviewed on 9th July

Originally published at

Tags: Phill Jupitus, Kings Arms, Salford, Porky The Poet


Theatre Review

The Apollo, Manchester
3rd July

Film-maker Kevin Smith (Clerks, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back), famed for his foul-mouthed, hilarious, and Star Wars obsessed movies played to the converted in a sell-out show at Manchester’s Apollo Theatre. Joined on stage by his ‘best buddy’ and regular film co-star Jason Mewes, the hyperactive pair introduced their latest big screen effort, ‘Jay & Silent Bob’s Big Cartoon Movie’, a 90 minute, somewhat crudely animated film featuring such memorable characters as ‘Dick Head’, a savage super villain caricature of Arnold Schwarzenegger (whose ridiculously muscular physique is complemented by a huge purple head regularly ejaculating over everthing in sight!), and ‘The Dickler’, a self-abusing parody of The Riddler from the Batman comics. It was all good dirty fun, with a non-stop delivery of schoolboy innuendo, and some sharp-witted tongue-in-cheek swipes at the comics industry. A raucous audience lapped up every second of this 3 hour show, which also included a live podcast, and a question & answer session that regularly involved over-excitable fans climbing on stage for impromptu photographs with their heroes. Smith was a laid back, genial, and humble host, doling out pearls of wisdom about making it in the movie business, and delivered a genuinely moving story about a recent visit to the new Star Wars set at Pinewood Studios, and his sobbing uncontrollably in the cockpit of a life-sized Millennium Falcon. This is a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, and is grateful for every moment of a career where he can indulge his every childhood obsession. In contrast to their big screen counterparts (Smith plays the almost mute ‘Silent Bob’, with Mewes as the obscenity-spewing motormouth ‘Jay’), Smith dominated proceedings with a breathless delivery, while Mewes gurned and played the silent clown. The main theme of the night was Mewes’ life-long battle against drug addiction (from which he has now been clean for 4 years), and Smith’s utter devotion to his friend. The pair have a genuine love for each other, which shines through; a love that clearly doesn’t stop them from mercilessly ridiculing one other. Smith is regularly referred to as a ‘fat fuck’, for instance.
The grand finale was a surreal game involving Mewes miming a variety of outrageous sexual acts with volunteers from the audience. Indescribable, disturbing, hilarious, grotesque, yet delivered with a charming innocence by the man-child Mewes.
Not for the faint-hearted, but a wonderful evening for devoted fans.
This was the final night of the 4 date tour.

Originally published at (minus a few naughty words!)

Tags: Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Jay & Silent Bob, Super Groovy Cartoon Movie

Someone Who'll Watch Over Me

Richard Patterson & Alistair Gillies. Photo by Shay Rowan.

Theatre Review

Written by Frank McGuinness
Directed by Colin Connor

Tuesday 8th July
Joshua Brooks, Manchester
Part of Greater Manchester Fringe Festival

Three characters on a single set; this had better be good! And it was. Three totally committed actors play out Frank McGuinness’s modern classic in a completely appropriate setting; the basement of Joshua Brooks pub. Bare brick walls, harsh lighting, claustrophobic black flats, etc. This is a play that stands or falls on its actors. The well-known real-life tale of an Irishman, an American, and an Englishman held captive in 1980s Beirut. Based on a true story, but never falling into the trap of playing for easy emotional responses. What must it be like to be held in a dark cell, with no outside contact, no hope, no home comforts? Cynical Irishman Edward (Richard Patterson) is the lynchpin; all caustic humour, snide wisecracks, and homeboy charm. In the opening scenes we find him exchanging life-affirming witticisms with Adam (Alastair Gillies), a solidly-built, optimistic, bible/koran reading American. Gillies certainly looked the part with an enormous life-of-its-own beard (real, by the way), caveman hair, and wretched fingernails. Gillies tore at the heartstrings with many a fine moment; longing for freedom, praying for redemption, and stoically accepting his fate. This was a fine double act with Patterson’s skinny adversary; all trembling bravado, finely-tuned angst, and cunning mindgames. The acoustics certainly helped, as noises from the bar above helped to reinforce the atmosphere of a world tantalisingly just out of reach of our heroes. The addition of a third character; an uptight Englishman called Michael (Karl Seth) throws Edward and Adam’s relationship into sharp relief, and the stage is now set for an intriguing insight into human behaviour. Survival is the aim. Survival of the spirit. Who will crack? Who will make this shabby little cell their universe? Each character has his moment; each demonstrates his strengths and weaknesses. Seth’s Michael grows in stature with every moment; constantly challenged by Patterson’s niggling Edward. Superb scenes involving re-enactments of Virginia Wade’s 1977 Wimbledon triumph, various imaginary drinking sessions, and quiet moments of personal tragedy are expertly communicated. Grubby, dirty, with every dignity stripped away; who will triumph? But this is not the question. Writer Frank McGuinness isn’t interested in the easy answers. Whether they survive physically simply does not matter. We all die. We can all be humiliated and crushed by cowards, but we can all choose the manner in which we face adversity. This is a play that, in less expert hands, could easily wallow in sickly heartstrings-plucking emotion, but director Colin Connor has a firm hand, and the audience never has an easy time of it. These are real people, not stereotypes.
Three bloody good actors, one cracking play, and one expert director.

Originally published at

Tags: Colin Connor, Richard Patterson, Karl Seth, Alastair Gillies, Frank McGuinness, Joshua Brooks

Thursday, March 13, 2014

ONE SHOT: review

Written & illustrated by Joe O’Byrne

 Through a glass darkly.

Review by Brian Gorman

Bolton-based playwright, actor, and film-maker Joe O’Byrne is something of a local hero on the Manchester arts scene. His series of plays based on the fictional housing estate Paradise Heights (an amalgam of O’Byrne’s hometown Bolton and his beloved Salford & Manchester) has garnered much acclaim, and been favourably compared with Jimmy McGovern’s tv series ‘The Street’, as well as the gritty urban works of Ken Loach, Martin Scorcese, and Shane Meadows. Now, as a big graphic novel fan, O’Byrne has released his next Paradise Heights instalment in the form of this mini episode, featuring arguably his most popular character, the hard man anti-hero Frank Morgan.

King of clubs.

 I’ve seen several of Joe’s stage plays, and been mightily impressed at how he can deliver a solid theatrical right hook with scenes of truly imaginative violence, yet often within the very same scene rip your heart open with breath-taking honesty of emotion. His characters are often broken, yet possessed of indomitable spirit. Frank Morgan encapsulates this perfectly; he’s Eastwood and Ray Winstone rolled into one. He can break every finger you have, yet look you in the eyes and shatter your heart with a few softly spoken words. Frank knows all. His greatest flaw is he knows himself too well.

‘One Shot’ opens with a cracking poem that perfectly illustrates the world of Paradise Heights. No-one can be trusted (not even the identity of the narrator, in this instance), and anything can happen if you let your guard down for even a second. O’Byrne crafts his words well. There’s the hard-boiled style of Mickey Spillane and Frank Miller, yet each sentence is shot through with a raw emotion and fearless intensity. The words flow from the page like gravel-infused honey, and you never know what’s going to happen next.


 ‘One Shot’ gives us a glimpse into the mind, heart, and tattered soul of a man with absolutely nothing to lose. This is a nightmare world, but a wholly recognisable one (which makes it even more disturbing), but with shafts of celestial light illuminating microscopic spots of hope, and the faint possibility of redemption.

O’Byrne’s illustrations are simplistic, and perfectly evoke Frank Morgan’s sinful and gut-wrenching inner and outer space. There are lots of silhouetted figures in bare, claustrophobic spaces. Precious little light breaks through the gloom, but it is O’Byrne’s words that are his greatest strength. The pages could contain simple matchstick figures, and the raw, unfettered, animal cry of Frank Morgan’s words would paint a multi-million dollar epic in your mind’s eye.

This is dark stuff indeed. Perfectly Frank.

'One Shot' is available soon. 

More about Joe O'Byrne:

Sunday, March 09, 2014

JAMES BOND IN THE MOVIES: A Personal Journey (Part 2)

Thunderball (1965) threw in everything but the kitchen sink, and was the first Bond movie to be co-produced by the infamous Kevin McClory. Back in the late 50s, Ian Fleming had written a script with McClory and Jack Whittingham for a pilot episode of a proposed tv series to be called ‘James Bond Of The Secret Service’. The series never materialised, and Fleming went on to adapt the script into a novel, renaming it ‘Thunderball’. McClory and Whittingham were a little upset when Fleming refused to acknowledge their contribution, but they eventually received recognition when credited on the new film. McClory demanded to be onboard as co-producer, alongside EON’s Albert ‘Cubby’ Broccoli and Harry Saltzman, and was allowed the rights to produce his own film version after EON’s rights elapsed in ten years time. In hindsight, this can be seen as rather short-sighted by EON, but nobody ever expected the Bond movies to last more than a decade. A great pre-title sequence saw Bond duking it out with a SPECTRE agent at a funeral. The agent, dressed as the dead man’s widow battles furiously with Connery, throwing tables, chairs, and a plant pot at him before being strangled with a poker. The sight of Bond punching what appeared to be a woman in the face was a great shock, and the fight sequence borders on parody as agent 007 trades punches with a man in a frock. The brutal nature of the fight stifles any potential sniggering at stuntman Bob Simmons (who had also doubled as Bond in the opening gunbarrels) wearing a black skirt, heavy make-up, and high heels. 

007 and a man in a dress.

Unfortunately we had another drippy leading lady in the shapely form of model Claudine Auger, but us schoolboys were amply compensated once again by the sultry Martine Beswick returning in a different guise as a fellow M.I.6 agent; in a bikini. We were doubly delighted by the kinky bad girl Fiona Volpe (played by Luciana Paluzzi) who nibbled at Connery’s ears in their bedroom scenes, and tried to kill him several times (once whilst riding a motorbike and dressed all in leather). Adolfo Celi as Largo was a suitably sadistic, eye-patch wearing bad guy – yet another employee of SPECTRE, and we got another glimpse of ‘Number One’ (face in shadow, seen stroking his white cat once again). 

Rik Van Nutter as 'Felix Leiter' gives Bond a hand.

Claudine Auger as 'Domino' with Adolfo Celi as 'Largo'.

Gadgets galore!

A long underwater battle had Bond flying through the water wearing a huge jet pack, and the action was aided enormously by John Barry’s atmospheric score. Tom Jones belted out the theme song, and was even reported to have fainted during recording, whilst screaming out the final lengthy note. Bond was massive now, and this movie was the biggest yet. In the shadow of Goldfinger, the film was an even bigger box office success but there was a noticeable dip in quality. The pace was a little sluggish at times, and Connery was beginning to look a little tired. In real life, Connery was growing bored with the role, and despised the intrusions on his private life by an insatiable world press. He was also getting pretty fed up with the larger than life stories, and the increasing reliance on gadgetry and gimmicks to get Bond out of trouble. Thunderball, like its predecessors, was a pretty faithful adaptation of the source novel, but everything was about to change on the next EON film.

The sound of Bond: Music maestro John Barry.

I bloody loved the Bond films! I taped them all on to audio cassette, and would be outraged if any of the family so much as coughed or even breathed too loudly while recording was in progress. At nights, I’d lay in bed listening to them through a single earphone, and remembering the images I’d seen on tv. Only this time, I imagined them in full colour – particularly Ursula’s blonde hair, Martine’s olive-skinned thighs, and Luciana’s luscious red lipstick. What were these movies doing to me? I was only twelve! Apart from the lovely ladies, exotic locations (I’d only ever left Wigan twice; to visit Southport and Rhyl), fantastic villains, and marvellous fist fights, the thing I was starting to love most about the films was the music. John Barry’s music. Monty Norman’s score for ‘Dr No’ was the weakest of the series, and that man was bloody lucky to have the hugely talented Mr Barry totally rip apart and rebuild his James Bond theme into something beautiful, ageless, and totally awe-inspiring. FRWL, Goldfinger, and Thunderball had superb theme songs, atmospheric melodies, and nerve-jangling action cues. Apart from the sheer energy, there was always an underlying melancholy that contrasted perfectly with the epic sweep of the individual scores. Fleming’s Bond, despite his expensive suits, exotic excursions, rich food, and devastatingly attractive women, was actually a pretty sad individual at heart. His job had him putting his life on the line regularly, killing people in cold blood, and enduring hideous torture (In ‘Casino Royale’, the debut novel, Bond has his meat and two veg pummelled by a sadistic Benzedrine-sniffing dwarf). In the novels, Fleming had Bond regularly musing on the shallowness of his existence, and the pursuit of instant gratification between his life-threatening missions. Barry seemed to totally understand this, and his music gave Bond an inner life that was rarely alluded to in the script (until, of course, Daniel Craig’s tenure). 

The young Ian Fleming. 

Fleming reads the US edition of his debut novel.

Fleming meets Connery on the set of 'From Russia With Love' (Fleming cameos in the film).

Rival film companies had begun to jump on the ‘Bondwagon’, and the sixties saw a huge increase in spy movies, most of which failed miserably to replicate the Bond formula. James Coburn’s ‘Derek Flint’ was a hit, but was an obvious parody of Bond. Flint was virtually superhuman, and ultimately cartoonish. Tom Adams’ Charles Vine in ‘Licensed To Kill’ tried to be 007 on a micro budget, and wasn’t a bad try. But Connery was head and shoulders above them all. Sean Connery’s Bond, EON’s production values, Fleming’s original stories, and John Barry’s music were a winning formula not easily copied.

James Coburn flashes the gnashers as Derek Flint.

Tom Adams as 'Charles Vine' in 'Licensed To Kill'. 

Vine in action!

Bond was massive in Japan, which led to EON’s choice of the next film to be Fleming’s melancholic and death-obsessed novel ‘You Only Live Twice’. 

A sombre story finds 007 seeking vengeance for the death of his wife in the previous novel (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service), and tracking down his nemesis Ernst Stavro Blofeld – previously referred to only as ‘Number One’- to Japan. Fleming wanted to kill Bond off  by this point, and the novel ends with Bond presumed killed in action, and an obituary published in The Times. Much of the novel could not be used in the film script for various reasons (the most obvious being the fact that Bond is a widow at the start), and so a completely new story was concocted by none other than Roald Dahl. Yes, ROALD DAHL. The author of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Matilda, The Witches, The BFG. Yes, THAT Roald Dahl. There was also another new director onboard in the shape of Lewis Gilbert, and a reluctant Connery back for a fifth time as Bond, and now completely and utterly pissed off with playing second fiddle to increasingly preposterous plots and, more importantly, long shooting schedules and endless publicity jaunts. 

Connery getting fed up with Bond.

A typical Japanese fisherman!

Filming in Japan would be the final straw for Connery, with Japanese photographers even reportedly following him into toilets. No surprise that the actor looks surly throughout, appears to be carrying a few extra pounds, and is mightily unconvincing when disguised as a Japanese fisherman. Thankfully, John Barry gave us another memorable theme song performed by Nancy Sinatra, who got the gig thanks to her recent hit ‘These boots were made for walking’. YOLT had a weak story which had 007 faking his own death in order to work more easily undercover in Japan (this is a ludicrous plot device, as when we first see him, post death, 007 is walking casually around the neon-lit streets of Tokyo, and attending public events such as a sumo wrestling match). We finally see ‘Number One’s face when he is revealed to be the aforementioned Blofeld, but it’s a little disappointing to see him played by the distinctly unthreatening Donald Pleasence (more usually cast as weasly, pathetic characters such as the short-sighted P.O.W. in ‘The Great Escape’). 

This is NOT 'Dr Evil'!

It was the end (for now) of Sean Connery as 007, but ‘James Bond will return in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’. Yep, the novel they SHOULD have filmed before YOLT. Thanks to the bright idea of exploiting the Japanese market, EON had made a rare miscalculation resulting in a missed opportunity of dovetailing OHMSS and YOLT, and instead had managed to give us the first lacklustre Bond film, and annoy their star actor into quitting. Was this the end for Bond? Did EON assume they’d be able to lure Connery back for OHMSS? It was 1967. The Summer Of Love. Was Bond now out of step with the times?

Who will fill Connery's shoes?

Some time around 1977 I sat down to watch ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’ (1969), the first non-Connery Bond movie. All I knew about this one was that it starred “That George Lazenby bloke. Bloody idiot!” Well, that was what my Dad used to say about it. Apparently they’d replaced the irreplaceable Connery with a young Australian model who’d been ridiculed for years as the guy who failed as Bond. Yikes! Had EON done it again? Misjudged their audience and carried on the same crazy mistakes they’d made on YOLT? This was going to be interesting.
The trailers on tv looked great. Diana Rigg, best known as the sexy-as-hell Mrs Peel in another of my favourite tv series, The Avengers was playing Countess Teresa, the girl who marries Bond. Then there was Telly Savalas as Blofeld, who certainly looked far more threatening than Donald Pleasence. Plus the fantastic theme music (the first Bond movie without an opening title song), and the awesome looking ski chase sequences. 

"Merry Christmas, 007".

It was a shock to see Lazenby in action as 007, but I’d already seen lots of photos of him as Bond and he looked a pretty good substitute for Connery. Well, I sat down to watch OHMSS (in black and white, as usual), and was absolutely thrilled by the pre-titles scene. Here we had Bond driving his Aston Martin along a narrow road in the middle of the night, when he’s suddenly overtaken at speed by an attractive young woman in a sportscar. We see Bond’s hands on the wheel, his face in shadow, and the fact that he’s wearing a trilby. He’s wearing a hat while driving? Weird! Some superb fast-paced editing accompanies Bond as he rescues the girl from an attempted suicide by drowning, then battles a couple of thugs in a fabulously choreographed fight sequence , with an ace orchestral track by the ever-present and increasingly brilliant John Barry. 

Peter Hunt directs George Lazenby.

Bond wears a kilt.

This was fantastic! Then we came to the first shot of Mr Lazenby, and his first line to a groggy Diana Rigg; “Good morning, my name’s Bond. James Bond”. Well, this was different. Lazenby had a bright and breezy attitude, totally lacking Connery’s ruthless persona. Oh, dear. But he was good in a fight, and was obviously keen to be seen doing his own stunts. When Diana then leaves him alone on the beach, we have the first and only instance of the actor playing Bond breaking the ‘fourth wall’ as Lazenby looks out at us with a cheeky grin and utters the immortal words “This never happened to the other fella”. What? I’m sure I must have spluttered out my Horlicks at that moment. What did he just say? Even my dad laughed, and he only ever laughed at Benny Hill. The Bond movies were continuing to evolve, and OHMSS was the best yet, in my 13 year old opinion. I loved the whole atmosphere of the film, and with the only downbeat ending in a Bond movie (up until ‘Casino Royale’ in 2006, once again), it was certainly unique. Peter Hunt had been the brilliant editor on all the previous Bonds, and here he was promoted to full directing duties, and boy did he make a cracking job of it. Tightly choreographed fight scenes, stunning Alpine chase sequences, and a superb battle between Bond and Blofeld flying at (literally) breakneck speed down a treacherous bob sleigh run. 

'Blofeld' (Telly Savalas) meets Bond, but fails to recognise him from their previous film encounter!

True love at last.

This one had it all, and has remained my all-time favourite 007 movie. It also happened to be the longest Bond film, but such was the frantic pace, that I hardly noticed the time. And as for Lazenby? Well, I didn’t mind him at all; in fact it made the film all the more realistic to have someone playing Bond who wasn’t the all conquering Connery. Because I’d never seen Lazenby before (or much since), I found it quite involving to watch an unknown play Bond. I was appalled to discover, several years later, that it had been a relative failure at the box office (compared to the previous five films), and that Peter Hunt never got to direct another. So that was it for the 1960s. We’d had six Bond movies culminating in Bond sobbing at the untimely death of his new bride on their wedding day. 

A bleak ending to a fabulous decade of movies that redefined the action genre, gave us an immortal screen hero, and created one Scottish superstar. But OHMSS was to see the end of the (semi) serious Bond thriller. It was now the 1970s, and the world was in need of a few laughs.

“James Bond will return...”


Daniel Craig in 'Casino Royale' (2006)

A couple of years ago I wrote a series of articles for Starburst Magazine, to celebrate 50 years of the James Bond films. Here they are:

BOND @ 50
A Personal Journey

Fifty years of James Bond films. Who woulda thunk it, huh? In this celebratory year I thought I’d take the opportunity to reflect on five decades of the EON produced 007 movies (not to mention the several oddities churned out by rival companies during those years). Rather than write a straight-forward account of the familiar facts and figures,  I’d like to share with you my personal experience of the Bond movies, as I have been very fortunate indeed to have seen them all in order of production.
I was born in 1964 in Wigan; as far removed from the glamorous world of Ian Fleming and his creation as it’s possible to get. Coming from a very poor family, I never got to see the earliest Bonds on the big screen, and so my first encounter with an EON epic came when ITV purchased the rights to screen every 007 movie way back in the mid 1970s. The closest I came to Bond was when my mum took the kids to the cinema on my birthday around 1970 to see Dean Martin as secret agent Matt Helm in ‘The Silencers’. I loved it. The colour! The exotic locations! The funky 60s music! The trouble was that my mum, Gawd bless her, had got the screening times wrong, and we actually walked in around halfway through the film! We then proceeded to watch the first part of the next screening (you were allowed to do that in 1970), and so my first cinematic experience was a pretty confusing and bizarre one. Nevertheless, I was blinded by the glamour, and it would be a few decades before I saw the film again and realised just how awful it was when compared to the Bonds.
I was a big fan of the original Fleming novels, which were passed around school along with the dog-eared dirty magazines that puzzled many a pubescent youth with their explicit depictions of the female anatomy. I remember well being totally confused by a full page photo of a lady’s undercarriage. My friends and I thought it was a malformed gentleman, and would only discover the truth many years later. But I digress. Back to the Bond books. I loved them. Probably as much for the naughty bits as the salivating descriptions of scrambled egg breakfasts and Beluga Caviar (whatever the heck THAT was!). Fleming wrote fast-paced, gritty and imaginative novels about a man with the outward charm of George Sanders, and the ice cold heart of a born assassin. We all wanted to be Bond; suave, tough, ruthless, and with an insatiable sexual appetite. So, by the time I saw my first Bond movie, I was well steeped in the character’s literary origins.
I was always aware of the films, as they were constantly in the newspapers, and there were the odd clips on 70s tv shows such as ‘Screen Test’ and ‘Clapperboard’. Everybody knew the Bond theme, and the songs were always on the radio. I remember my more affluent school chums excitedly recounting their excursions to see Diamonds Are Forever in the cinema; the closest I came was jealously pawing a toy Moon Buggy a mate brought in to class one day. The films were like a forbidden fruit to me, and I began to think I would never see one. Then ITV came to the rescue. With ‘The Man With The Golden Gun’ in cinemas at the time, I couldn’t believe it when I read the films were going to be shown on the telly. The telly!!

Riding on the bus to school on a damp morning in October 1975, I remember thinking that the streets would be empty that night when ‘Dr No’ (1962) was on. I was excited beyond belief, and it was all anybody was talking about at school. A James Bond film on the telly! Remember kids, those were dark days without the internet, Facebook, mobiles, etc. If you were living in a small Northern town back then you may as well be on a desert island. I’d read the novel, and I couldn’t wait to see it brought to life. Even though we only had a black and white tv, into which we had to put 10p in the slot at the back every couple of hours, I was entranced. Following the announcer’s introduction, the screen went black. Several small white dots paraded across, until one widened to become what appeared to be the view down the barrel of a gun. A man wearing a trilby hat and wearing a dark suit and tie walked into shot, he spun around and fired his own gun at us. Blood seemed to drip down the screen as our sight of the man wobbled. Blimey! I’d been shot dead by James Bond! The ‘gunbarrel sequence’ would become a classic Bond movie trademark, and here was I seeing it for the very first time. The opening credits with Maurice Binder’s dancing dots, enhanced by John Barry’s fabulous rendition of  Monty Norman’s theme, blew me away. I’d seen nothing like it before. Brought up on a diet of the ITC action tv shows, and my personal favourite ‘The Saint’, this was a dream come true for me. 

Sean Connery as Bond

I don’t think I’d ever seen Sean Connery before, but he was everything Bond should be. His introductory scene was a masterclass of Hitchcockian style and suspense. We see only the back of his head as he plays a card game in a smokey casino. A beautiful lady sits opposite him, as he beats her effortlessly. Obviously losing heavily, she orders another small fortune in chips. Then we hear the voice: “I admire your courage, Miss...?”. Close up on actress Eunice Gayson , who gives the icy retort “Trench, Sylvia Trench. I admire your luck, Mr...”. and here we go. Lift off!! We cut to the man opposite as he slowly raises a lighter to the cigarette dangling from the lips of his cruel mouth, and purrs “Bond, James Bond”. What an introduction! Connery had it all. He looked like a man who would break your face if you looked at him the wrong way. He had the confidence of someone in possession of the world’s biggest and most powerful tool (I’m talking confidence here, so stop sniggering at the back there!), and in the words of Tony Christie, he walked like a panther. James Bond had arrived on the telly, and I’m guessing the viewing figures must have been around 20 million. 007 had stepped down from the rarefied atmosphere of the big screen and was now crashing into our front rooms. ‘Dr No’ was a cracking start, and a hugely successful adaptation of the Fleming novel. It was also pretty sadistic stuff with Bond shooting an unarmed man several times in the back, date raping an enemy agent, and ordering a colleague to break a young woman’s arm. And of course we had Ursula Andress as the first and most iconic of Bond girls, Honeychile Rider. When she emerged from the sea in that white bikini, the entire male population must have given out a collective sigh (as well as readjusting their trousers). She looked stunning. Statuesque, dripping with feral sensuality, and ready to knife any man in the heart if he tried getting his hands on her cockles and mussels (and she carried a hell of a big knife!). And there I was. A mere 10 years old, watching the first ever Bond movie on the telly in a miserably cold maisonette in Wigan. We had no central heating, and there was only the coal fire in the living room for warmth. But that night, gathered on a winter’s evening in front of a flickering black and white tv set, I was in heaven. In the years before video recorders, you had to pay close attention. If you missed anything, you wouldn’t get a chance to see it again for a very long time. In those days we focussed intently on every moment, even to the extent of reading through the end credits while savouring that wonderful theme music. And there, right at the end, was the teaser announcement – ‘The end of ‘Dr No’, but James Bond will return in ‘From Russia With Love’. Wow!!!

From that point on I was obsessed with the Bond films, and safe in the knowledge that I would get to see each and every one of them over the coming years, in order (which IS a big deal!), kept me going as a shy, poverty-stricken kid who was always next to last to be picked for the football team during games lessons. I attended St Thomas More High School from 1975 to 1980, and believe me it was rough. We had the most sadistic P.E. teacher imaginable in the form of short-arsed Mr McGuiness. A man who told everybody, and with a straight face, that he been in the army, navy, air force, and the SAS (whatever that was!). Wigan in the 1970s was pretty grim. I remember loving ‘The Persuaders’ on tv, and saving up for the annual I’d seen in the local newsagents. I saved up a whole 15p, but when I took it to the shop I was told that the price sticker said £1.50. I was devastated. I would eventually find the book again a decade later in a second hand shop in Manchester, but it was rubbish. Most annuals were back then. All they seemed to consist of were terrible comic strips and dubious text stories, with vaguely connected articles on associated subjects such as ‘crime over the centuries’, ‘fashion in the 70s’, and sparse ‘Fact Files’ on Roger Moore and Tony Curtis. My weekly pocket money of 5p(FIVE PENCE!) enabled me to buy a Wagon Wheel and a small bottle of Coke from the mobile shop, and I was lucky if I got the occasional Whizzer and Chips comic book. Those were the days, eh?!
Around six months later I sat down to watch ‘From Russia With Love’. I’d been impressed by how closely ‘Dr No’ had stuck to the original novel, and I was to be delighted again by EON’s faithful adaptation of President John F Kennedy’s favourite 007 book. Once again we got the fantastic gunbarrel opening, and the first pre-credits ‘teaser’ sequence featuring Bond being stalked by night through the grounds of  an impressive mansion (in reality the gardens of Pinewood Studios). Actor Robert Shaw played the psychotic agent of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Donovan ‘Red’ Grant with an icy efficiency that would be the benchmark for all Bond henchmen to come. He strangles Bond quite graphically with what looked like a cheese wire drawn from his wristwatch, but the rug is pulled from under us when a mask is peeled from the dead man’s face to reveal an imposter. It was all a test, and a great teasing opening for the movie. John Barry had so impressed with his rendition of the James Bond theme that he was brought back to score the whole movie, replacing ‘Dr No’ composer Monty Norman. In the previous film, Barry had taken a few written notes for Norman’s intended Bond theme, and produced a barnstorming piece of music that would become famous the world over, and used repeatedly in every Bond movie to come. When one listens to Norman’s theme played during ‘Dr No’ it is pretty feeble when compared to Barry’s interpretation. The fact that Norman gets a credit (and royalties) on every 007 movie has always annoyed the heck out of me. That Norman disappeared into relative obscurity, while Barry became a 5 time Oscar-winning success with eleven Bond scores in total says everything.
FRWL (1963) was another thrilling espionage adventure, with Connery cementing the role of the globe-hopping, ruthless, womanising British agent. This was an intricately plotted tale with Bond the target of  the international crime organisation known as the Special Executive for Crime, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion, headed by the mysterious figure referred to only as ‘Number One’. We only see this character’s hands as he sits stroking a white cat whilst giving out orders to kill Bond and ruin his reputation. This was all good stuff! Daniela Bianchi was a bit of a letdown as Bond’s leading lady, the Russian double agent Tanya Romanova though. Following the Amazonian goddess that was Ursula Andress was always going to be a tall order, and Ms Bianchi turned out to be a bit of a wet lettuce. Thankfully we had the exotic Martine Beswick as a fiery gypsy girl snarling and scratching her way into Bond’s affections. 

Connery with Desmond Llewelyn as 'Major Boothroyd' (known in later films as 'Q').

In one of the best fist fights ever seen on screen, Connery and Shaw battle it out aboard The Orient Express in a brutal and bone-shattering encounter, the likes of which would only be seen again decades later during Daniel Craig’s era. Interestingly, Connery and Shaw would meet again on screen in 1976’s ‘Robin and Marian’ (scored by John Barry), and indulge in an even more violent encounter on the battlefield. 

Robert Shaw as 'Grant' has 007 at his mercy.

Once again, I loved every minute. I was a little puzzled by Lotte Lenya’s character as the evil SPECTRE agent, Rosa Klebb, who has obvious designs on the innocent Tanya. I had no idea what a lesbian was back then, and the usually attractive Lenya’s appearance as an ugly, military uniform attired hag wearing huge black-rimmed glasses was certainly an unsavoury and highly prejudiced depiction. Never mind, at least she got shot in the back at the end!

Goldfinger (1964) was next up, and here was the one we’d been waiting for. Shirley Bassey’s lung-busting performance of the theme song had been a huge hit, and everybody knew the tune. Then there was the gadget-filled Aston Martin, the gold-painted Shirley Eaton (seen virtually naked; hubba hubba!), and the wonderful bowler-hatted huge oriental henchman, ‘OddJob’ (Harold Sakata). Plus of course the outrageously named ‘Pussy Galore’ (Honor Blackman)! 

Connery with Gert Frobe as 'Auric Goldfinger'.

This was the Bond movie I felt I’d already seen, such was the power of its iconic imagery. A change in director – Guy Hamilton replacing Terence Young – ushered in a more tongue-in-cheek approach which set the template for future Bond movies (reaching its farcical nadir during the Roger Moore era, and only being completely eradicated with the appearance of Daniel Craig’s ruthless 007 in 2006). 

'OddJob' at work.

Goldfinger was huge. The massive Fort Knox set, the car chase around Goldfinger’s factory (in reality the alleyways of Pinewood Studios) with Bond’s Aston Martin firing machine guns, emitting clouds of smoke, and spewing nails and oil slicks at its pursuers, and the climactic hand-to-hand battle with OddJob culminating in the man mountain’s electrocution by Bond. Hugely entertaining, and leaving one thinking “Well, where do we go from here?”

“James Bond will return...”